Sup!
So the last few days have been full of totally rubbishy annoying things, obsticles and sometimes just plain bad luck. But yet for some reason the world around me has been a lot less bleak recently, and it leaves me positive regardless of any issues.
For one thing, the people i have had the pleasure of meeting recently, just random strangers in shops and supermarkets and stuff, have all been really nice. Like super nice. And it's rubbing off on me, so now i'm happy because i'm being a much nicer version of myself and reaping the rewards of passing on the happy bug :D
Also, all the work is finally coming to a close. two hand ins down, got one more on friday which still needs editing, but is done really. I also need to fill a few more sections on my project proposal form, but that wont take long either.
So yeah. There is revision to get on with of corse. But instead of thinking of it as 12 days of hell, i'm tending more towards the idea of 'oh, well in just 12 days it's all going to be over!' which is quite nice to think about!!
All in all, my recently launched project to become what i always aspired to be is well on it's way. Obviously this is only the begining, but i can genuinely feel it working. And i owe it all to someone i hardly even knew. This person had a lot of the same 'settings' in life as me but made much more out of it. Unfortunately, they died recently. Every time i get tired of life or sad, i just think 'if she had the chance to still be here, she'd probably make a lot more out of this situation, so drink a can of man up, do it, and do it well with a smile'. And I honestly can see my approach to life changing, and it feels good :)
I'm SUPER tired, only spent about 7 of the last 60 hours asleep, so i am definately intending to have a good night tonight -.-zzzzzzz
Peace out! (Y)
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
plans foiled by fault of biology
So I had a big fat plan today on how proactive and productive i was gunna be. Didn't sleep last night, but i'm not even tired, so i was gunna do a lot of work today. by now i should have finished polishing and printed my two assignments, and read most of if not all of the article for tomorrow. Have i done any of this? No. Why? becuase female biology is incredibly stupid. And no this isn't some kind of menstral rant or situation. It's about something less talked about but more common. I have cistitus.
It's a water infection. basically my bladder has given up on life and decided to be all inflamed and annoying. I feel like i badly need to pee constantly, but when i do go, it's just intense pain and blood. Plus i have a fever. smooth one biology. Women are pretty damn suceptable to them because of our anatomy, we have short urethra's which allows easy infection of the bladder. Personaly i would have thought this would have died out in natural selection ages ago. It's not like any animal at any point in the evolutionary chain that felt like this was gunna be up for doing a breed! Surley we would have slowly evolved longer pee tubes? Either way, I hope it goes soon, and doesn't travel into my kidneys again... that's when it gets uber painful, like hospitalised painful.
I happen to have a certain suseptibility to cistitus. Some lucky women will never get one in their entire lives, and others will hget it all the time. Apparently it can be genetic, and i know my mum suffered with them a lot in her youth. I have no idea if that's why, or if it's something else about my make up, but hey. Some things you never know. There was a time when i was about 15-17 where i used to get about two a month... looking back i don't konw how i lived. Spose i got so used to it it hardly even hurt any more. But the doctors never persued anything, mostly because i just treated most of them with home remedies, cause being on antibiotics that much wouldn't be good for anyone! But yeah, it just suddenly stopped after a few years. I do hope that this spontaneous outbreak isn't the start of another endless spout of them, i think i'd rather cut my bladder out and pee into a bag for the rest of my life.
So yeah. I've spent my day curled up in a duvet, watching copious ammounts of fresh meat, and having only proofread a paragraph in about 4 hours, going between crying histerically into my tiger hoing to fall asleep, or trying to pee my insides out. some excelent memories you make growing up, right! :(
It's a water infection. basically my bladder has given up on life and decided to be all inflamed and annoying. I feel like i badly need to pee constantly, but when i do go, it's just intense pain and blood. Plus i have a fever. smooth one biology. Women are pretty damn suceptable to them because of our anatomy, we have short urethra's which allows easy infection of the bladder. Personaly i would have thought this would have died out in natural selection ages ago. It's not like any animal at any point in the evolutionary chain that felt like this was gunna be up for doing a breed! Surley we would have slowly evolved longer pee tubes? Either way, I hope it goes soon, and doesn't travel into my kidneys again... that's when it gets uber painful, like hospitalised painful.
I happen to have a certain suseptibility to cistitus. Some lucky women will never get one in their entire lives, and others will hget it all the time. Apparently it can be genetic, and i know my mum suffered with them a lot in her youth. I have no idea if that's why, or if it's something else about my make up, but hey. Some things you never know. There was a time when i was about 15-17 where i used to get about two a month... looking back i don't konw how i lived. Spose i got so used to it it hardly even hurt any more. But the doctors never persued anything, mostly because i just treated most of them with home remedies, cause being on antibiotics that much wouldn't be good for anyone! But yeah, it just suddenly stopped after a few years. I do hope that this spontaneous outbreak isn't the start of another endless spout of them, i think i'd rather cut my bladder out and pee into a bag for the rest of my life.
So yeah. I've spent my day curled up in a duvet, watching copious ammounts of fresh meat, and having only proofread a paragraph in about 4 hours, going between crying histerically into my tiger hoing to fall asleep, or trying to pee my insides out. some excelent memories you make growing up, right! :(
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Taking control of my own private shared space
Isn't it odd how different and seperate lives can be in the same space.
Someone can be living 5 minutes away from you, maybe even 2, but their life is entirely different to yours, and in no way linked by anything other than the scene both your lives are set in. It's like we all have our own private space in a completely shared environment. We are all in the same place in time, the same planet, same country town or road, and some even in the same house. If some people can make their lives amazing, there is no reason why we all can't have a go!
I just sudenly found it odd, almost frightneing when i realised it. Because sometimes you find people you aspire to be like, and think you're not because your lives are different, but that difference is only about you and what you've made of your experience. I know i have a few people I genuinely aspire to be like because i admire their outlook on life. But I always think, well personality is fixed, and our lives are different, so i will never be like that. However, quite often, the setting is more or less the same. Sure there are different incidents, but usually they can spring parallel to things in others lives, it just comes down to how people deal with them differently, not because their lives are different, but because they are different. Most of the inspiring people I know are inspiring because of the way they have delt with horrible situations in a remarkable way. Of corse everyone knows that people do things differently, and say it all the time. "oh, thats just how I deal with stuff like that" or "everyone deals with things in their own way". But what people forget is that it can be a choice. Just because you used one method 20 times before, it doesn't mean that you have to use it again next tiume. You can break the chain just by simply asking yourself how well did it work before? Most of us have serval coping mechanisms that are not exactly healthy, i'm sure. Or perhaps a particular mindset towards things etc. If it's not how you aspire to be, then you CAN just change it with a few simple realisations, self awareness and a bit of motivation.
So i'm going to be a bit different from now on i think. I hope. I'm going to be what I aspire to. And i'm going to make it work because I am all I need to make it work. Everything else is ready and waiting; it has been the whole time. Just waiting for me to make this realisation. So yeah. I want to be way more creative, and a lighter personality, more funloving and aspirational. And i want a bit more confidence and to let my humour out a bit more (not to be confused with creepy humour, i will keep that locked up, that isn't exactly light personality material :p)
And now back to my miserable revision, but hopefully with a somewhat less miserable me :)
Someone can be living 5 minutes away from you, maybe even 2, but their life is entirely different to yours, and in no way linked by anything other than the scene both your lives are set in. It's like we all have our own private space in a completely shared environment. We are all in the same place in time, the same planet, same country town or road, and some even in the same house. If some people can make their lives amazing, there is no reason why we all can't have a go!
I just sudenly found it odd, almost frightneing when i realised it. Because sometimes you find people you aspire to be like, and think you're not because your lives are different, but that difference is only about you and what you've made of your experience. I know i have a few people I genuinely aspire to be like because i admire their outlook on life. But I always think, well personality is fixed, and our lives are different, so i will never be like that. However, quite often, the setting is more or less the same. Sure there are different incidents, but usually they can spring parallel to things in others lives, it just comes down to how people deal with them differently, not because their lives are different, but because they are different. Most of the inspiring people I know are inspiring because of the way they have delt with horrible situations in a remarkable way. Of corse everyone knows that people do things differently, and say it all the time. "oh, thats just how I deal with stuff like that" or "everyone deals with things in their own way". But what people forget is that it can be a choice. Just because you used one method 20 times before, it doesn't mean that you have to use it again next tiume. You can break the chain just by simply asking yourself how well did it work before? Most of us have serval coping mechanisms that are not exactly healthy, i'm sure. Or perhaps a particular mindset towards things etc. If it's not how you aspire to be, then you CAN just change it with a few simple realisations, self awareness and a bit of motivation.
So i'm going to be a bit different from now on i think. I hope. I'm going to be what I aspire to. And i'm going to make it work because I am all I need to make it work. Everything else is ready and waiting; it has been the whole time. Just waiting for me to make this realisation. So yeah. I want to be way more creative, and a lighter personality, more funloving and aspirational. And i want a bit more confidence and to let my humour out a bit more (not to be confused with creepy humour, i will keep that locked up, that isn't exactly light personality material :p)
And now back to my miserable revision, but hopefully with a somewhat less miserable me :)
Peace out! (Y)
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
Good morning world! today i'm ready!!
Ok, so i woke up really early this morning, at like half 7 or 8, im not sure i never looked at the time. /and i had the WORST headache i have ever experienced in my life. i genuinelly would have believed it if someone said to me 'don't panic, but you've been stabbed repeatedly in the eye which has pierced through your skull and caused a bleed in the brain'. So i stumbled around my room (yes stumbled because i could hardly concentrate to put one foot in front of the other) found some anadins, took them and went back to bed to try and sleep.
About half an hour ago, i woke up again, and i feel brilliant! Not only does my head feel fine, but i had the best dream i think i have ever had in my life. For those of you that know me well, I am not exectly the i have everything about my wedding planned and decided and i can't possibly wait i want it now kind of girl, even though i'm engaged. Don't misinterpret that at all. I deffinatrly am excited to marry Nathan, and i love him excesently etc etc, but i just don't let myself get excited about something a few years away yet. Last night i dreamed it was happening. We were getting married. And it was absolutely fantastic. absolutely beautiful not because of any of the 'stuff' but because of the moment, and him and all that. naturally i woke up superbly happy, because i thought i'd been married the previous day. Though i am a little disheartened it wasnt real, i can now find solice in the fact that i get to do it again, and be a little more concious :p
Yeah. So that happened :p Otherwise, i have other good news. I have basically completed the personality essay, just one little explination to write which will be less than 50 words. Then it just needs editing, which i intend to do at a later date.
Also I think i may have come up with a cracker for my disserattion idea. It just came to me, out of the no where's!! I think i'm going to see if strong regional accents affect identifiability as much as different languages do. boom! Just need my tutor's approval and then i can get that one on the road!
I was going to start practicals today, but i might do that later later. Maybe now i'll get back down to some revision note writing... need to get that show desperately on the road!
... I also might have a cheeky interwebby shop around. I quite feel like a naughty spend if i find some good deals... maybe some better made wedge! :p
peace out!
About half an hour ago, i woke up again, and i feel brilliant! Not only does my head feel fine, but i had the best dream i think i have ever had in my life. For those of you that know me well, I am not exectly the i have everything about my wedding planned and decided and i can't possibly wait i want it now kind of girl, even though i'm engaged. Don't misinterpret that at all. I deffinatrly am excited to marry Nathan, and i love him excesently etc etc, but i just don't let myself get excited about something a few years away yet. Last night i dreamed it was happening. We were getting married. And it was absolutely fantastic. absolutely beautiful not because of any of the 'stuff' but because of the moment, and him and all that. naturally i woke up superbly happy, because i thought i'd been married the previous day. Though i am a little disheartened it wasnt real, i can now find solice in the fact that i get to do it again, and be a little more concious :p
Yeah. So that happened :p Otherwise, i have other good news. I have basically completed the personality essay, just one little explination to write which will be less than 50 words. Then it just needs editing, which i intend to do at a later date.
Also I think i may have come up with a cracker for my disserattion idea. It just came to me, out of the no where's!! I think i'm going to see if strong regional accents affect identifiability as much as different languages do. boom! Just need my tutor's approval and then i can get that one on the road!
I was going to start practicals today, but i might do that later later. Maybe now i'll get back down to some revision note writing... need to get that show desperately on the road!
... I also might have a cheeky interwebby shop around. I quite feel like a naughty spend if i find some good deals... maybe some better made wedge! :p
peace out!
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