OH... EMMM...GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
This last week has been MENTAL!!
So I got a call from a school I applied to, and I had and interview set up on Wednesday. Fine. Good. Bangin'.
Interviews. They are meant to be a good thing. Right? A myriad of excitement and new opportunity. But naturally my life is eternally ridiculous. So this is the long joke that played out in the next few days at my sanity's expense...
I traversed the hot sweaty miles to Abingdon on the Sunday night so I could spend some time with that bloke what I know there (Nathan) and generally have a new environment in which to get my freak on. (By which I mean utterly freak out).
I wake up Monday, stirred by the violent buzzing of my phone. Its 8 o clock... who rings at 8 o clock?
Guess? It was another school!Who wanted to see me Wednesday also. But I made it work. So now I had one at 9 and one at 12.45.
To cut a long story short, I ended up with three on Wednesday and one Thursday.But the Wednesday ones were impossible, after much attempting to shift them all around. So I cancelled the furthest one and went to two.
And after a long hard few days of nervousness, worrying about travelling to all these new places and actual real tears, guess what happened?
I got the job with the first school I went to at 9 am Wednesday.
All that arranging, and stress etc, and I could have just stopped there, with one. Good. Fine!
At least I love the place. And they seem to love me, because they had interviews set up all day, I was the first candidate through the door, and they rang me half an hour after I was out the door. It's nice to be wanted :D
The rest of the week? Nathan got really sick, and I spent the next three nights or so up with him, probably got 6 hours sleep over the whole three nights till the journey home on Saturday, whereby I got soaked in skimpy summer wear, and still made it to me eons long arranged philosophical meeting with Sophie and Lauren, bedraggled me, case and all. Many cocktails were had, and I had been invited on to a BBQ, but I really had just had enough!
The problem is, I've had no time to really rest since either. Sunday I drove for two hours in the sun, came home, wedmined it up for a few hours, got a heat and stress migraine that made me PHYSICALLY SICK multiple times, passed out and woke up this morning where I'm just doing it all again. All morning I did wedding crafting, just drove for two hours (though quite well I might add :D) and now I'm about to cook for my house, and I've got some plans later too.
Tomorrow's forecast is looking much the same but in a slightly different order.
Wednesday I'm in France all day to pick up wedding wine, Thursday is dress fittings, and then Friday I finally get to rest a bit. Saturday is both my birthday AND two of my friends wedding (exciting!!) Sunday I will probably be dead. Then Monday another mad week begins.
I believe I will be having frequent vom breaks i the next few weeks in between. I remember saying all this was going to all but kill me. I just didn't think it would be this accurate! :(
Still. Here's to all the good things. A week with my man, sick or not. I'm back on top of my driving. I have a job in the right area come September, and at least I might look extra slim and fab in my dress now! :p
Peace out. May your lives be hilariously ridiculous and never dull like mine ;) xx
Monday, 21 July 2014
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
Alright... I'm gunna start this up again...
"This is an invocation for new beginings..." - Ze Frank... Check him out... he's great.
Alright, so I currently have a lot of things going on right now. Here's a low down of my life at current...
Alright... so when we left off I was an engaged student struggling through student life and my final degree year with no idea when I would actually get married.
Well, I got a first class degree (just!) and now, after some settling time it's happening! And soon at that. August 16th this year I will become a married woman! So that's a thing. But now myt entire life is about lists, spreadsheets, emails emails emails, creature making as favours, center piece making, bouqet making, coordinating and endless endless other wedmin junk. AAAAAH!!
Needless to say, the very thought of it all is stress enducing. But it'll get there... 38 days left... holy jeebus!!
So I finally started my driving lessons, and have apparently been doing quite well. It is one of the few things in life that appears to come quite naturally to me... yay!! So I've booked my theory test for the 28th of july... 19 days to revise!!
So, I was working at a school as long term agebcy staff for the last academic year. However, they totally ballsed their budget, and so just 4 weeks before the end of term, the school had to let the rest of the agency staff go because they just couldn't afford to have all the staff. Kinda sucks, but I've got a lot on my plate right now anyway. But it now means its even more important I'm working in OXfordshire as soon as I move there really (yeah... I'll explain why there in the next one). I absolutely hate how ridiculous the application process has become. It used to be send a CV, and sometimes a covering letter too. Now you have to register to a site, which takes like half an hour, and then fill the massive application form, then answer all these massive questions... write a specific personal statement... YAWN! Each application takes like two hours at least... it's tiering and impossibe to do more than 3 a day without killing yourself!
Yeah. Moving. So Nathan (that man I happen to be marrying) got the perfect job for him at the begining of this year, after a long tiering search. The only catch was it was in Abingdon, Oxfordshire! But he was brave and took it, and moved up there all alone! Not only does this mean we're back to a uni type seeing timetable (actually, it's less than then... every other weekend) but it means that I will be moving there after the wedding.
This makes all aplications and potential interviews etc infinately more difficult. Boo!
We are also looking into house options, because there isn't enough space for me and my stuff in his flat at current. and it's an incredibly tedious necessity.
This is self explainitary. But it's just a bit harder when the stress of everything else and the lack of sleep over worrying makes me want to reach for all the bad things. but i've been pretty strong for a week and a half now... fingers crossed this is all going to work and I won't fold. I just want to start married life a more healthy way. ALL THE FRUIT AND VEG. None of the chocolate :'(
And then there's the rest of my life
Which as you know from previous tales, has a tallent for being infinately curious and ridiculous.
Well, at least I get some laughs from it all, which is what this blog is really about. Now we've got the housekeeping out of the way, let us begin!
Heres to the fun bits that make the rest worth while.
Peace out (Y)
Alright, so I currently have a lot of things going on right now. Here's a low down of my life at current...
- wedding planning
- theory revision
- applications
- moving arrangements
- mega-diet
- upkeeping the rest of my general mad life
The wedding!!!!
Alright... so when we left off I was an engaged student struggling through student life and my final degree year with no idea when I would actually get married.
Well, I got a first class degree (just!) and now, after some settling time it's happening! And soon at that. August 16th this year I will become a married woman! So that's a thing. But now myt entire life is about lists, spreadsheets, emails emails emails, creature making as favours, center piece making, bouqet making, coordinating and endless endless other wedmin junk. AAAAAH!!
Needless to say, the very thought of it all is stress enducing. But it'll get there... 38 days left... holy jeebus!!
Theory Revision
So I finally started my driving lessons, and have apparently been doing quite well. It is one of the few things in life that appears to come quite naturally to me... yay!! So I've booked my theory test for the 28th of july... 19 days to revise!!
Applications
So, I was working at a school as long term agebcy staff for the last academic year. However, they totally ballsed their budget, and so just 4 weeks before the end of term, the school had to let the rest of the agency staff go because they just couldn't afford to have all the staff. Kinda sucks, but I've got a lot on my plate right now anyway. But it now means its even more important I'm working in OXfordshire as soon as I move there really (yeah... I'll explain why there in the next one). I absolutely hate how ridiculous the application process has become. It used to be send a CV, and sometimes a covering letter too. Now you have to register to a site, which takes like half an hour, and then fill the massive application form, then answer all these massive questions... write a specific personal statement... YAWN! Each application takes like two hours at least... it's tiering and impossibe to do more than 3 a day without killing yourself!
Moving Prep
Yeah. Moving. So Nathan (that man I happen to be marrying) got the perfect job for him at the begining of this year, after a long tiering search. The only catch was it was in Abingdon, Oxfordshire! But he was brave and took it, and moved up there all alone! Not only does this mean we're back to a uni type seeing timetable (actually, it's less than then... every other weekend) but it means that I will be moving there after the wedding.
This makes all aplications and potential interviews etc infinately more difficult. Boo!
We are also looking into house options, because there isn't enough space for me and my stuff in his flat at current. and it's an incredibly tedious necessity.
Mega-diet
This is self explainitary. But it's just a bit harder when the stress of everything else and the lack of sleep over worrying makes me want to reach for all the bad things. but i've been pretty strong for a week and a half now... fingers crossed this is all going to work and I won't fold. I just want to start married life a more healthy way. ALL THE FRUIT AND VEG. None of the chocolate :'(
And then there's the rest of my life
Which as you know from previous tales, has a tallent for being infinately curious and ridiculous.
Well, at least I get some laughs from it all, which is what this blog is really about. Now we've got the housekeeping out of the way, let us begin!
Heres to the fun bits that make the rest worth while.
Peace out (Y)
Friday, 7 June 2013
Balance
So recent events have shown me that balance is something which is very evident in the life we live. Its not really a surprise when you think about it. For every birth there will be a death, for every force, there exists the opposing one (to paraphrase my ol' mate Newts). Dear Karl taught me that when we ask questions, we are always talking in bi polarities. If you are someone 'what is going well for you?' you are also asking the person to think about what is not in order to separate things.
But there exists a much deeper balance than pure physicality, and this is what I'm talking about. Before recentish times, I never thought of there as being an inherent justice in the natural world. People talk of justice in the for of various greater beings, or as an actual force in the universe, but it was always my opinion that the just pure physical, natural world went on regardless. The trees do not stop for justice, the universe does not falter because of some injustice in one of it's far corners somewhere. But I'm beginning to realise there is, and this is more of a part of the physical world then ever. It is simple causality.
And so, the rules are thus. If you behave in a positive and good manner, you create the environment where good things will happen around you and thus to you. In the same way, behaving badly sets in motion bad things happening around and to you.
Basically we are the cause of most of our own experiences, and time is the 'great master of justice' in the physical world at least.
Now this is where it gets more tricky. We cannot assume the victim of a crime, perhaps an assault or a robbery, set in motion the right for this to happen to them. No. I do not think so. In everyone's life there is a balance of good and bad in itself, and sometimes, the bad really sucks. No one deserves this. But on the other hand, if you were to turn your attention to the life path of the perpetrator, this is where the 'universal justice' will be exerted. This person has done something terrible, and so they have put in motion the causation of bad things happening to them. The justice of the universe is retributive, not compensatory. Perhaps compensation is where some other being would come into it, but as far as the universe goes, what you do will come back to you. Not because any great being willed it, not because of any great force of Karma or truth any such thing. It is simple causality. something which is key to our existence as linear beings. Simple as.
So the next time you feel like every thing's going poorly, that people are mistreating you or that you are not getting what you deserve, perhaps look at your life and see where you could be improving your input to maximise your output. Maybe you have been unknowingly mistreating others, or denying others recognition they deserve for their efforts. Perhaps you can be the cause of your own success.
And to all those who are the victim of some terrible incident, never fear. Remember that whoever caused it has justice cumming back to them in some way or another. The balance of life. No it might not help you in your recovery, and it may not directly compensate you for troubles, but it does give you that sense of balance in a different form. Hopefully you have a lifetime of good doing behind you to help you get back on your way.
I don't really know why I wrote this today. I just felt it happening. It's been a slow start to a miserable day. Perhaps things will look up now this is done? Who knows.
But there exists a much deeper balance than pure physicality, and this is what I'm talking about. Before recentish times, I never thought of there as being an inherent justice in the natural world. People talk of justice in the for of various greater beings, or as an actual force in the universe, but it was always my opinion that the just pure physical, natural world went on regardless. The trees do not stop for justice, the universe does not falter because of some injustice in one of it's far corners somewhere. But I'm beginning to realise there is, and this is more of a part of the physical world then ever. It is simple causality.
And so, the rules are thus. If you behave in a positive and good manner, you create the environment where good things will happen around you and thus to you. In the same way, behaving badly sets in motion bad things happening around and to you.
Basically we are the cause of most of our own experiences, and time is the 'great master of justice' in the physical world at least.
Now this is where it gets more tricky. We cannot assume the victim of a crime, perhaps an assault or a robbery, set in motion the right for this to happen to them. No. I do not think so. In everyone's life there is a balance of good and bad in itself, and sometimes, the bad really sucks. No one deserves this. But on the other hand, if you were to turn your attention to the life path of the perpetrator, this is where the 'universal justice' will be exerted. This person has done something terrible, and so they have put in motion the causation of bad things happening to them. The justice of the universe is retributive, not compensatory. Perhaps compensation is where some other being would come into it, but as far as the universe goes, what you do will come back to you. Not because any great being willed it, not because of any great force of Karma or truth any such thing. It is simple causality. something which is key to our existence as linear beings. Simple as.
So the next time you feel like every thing's going poorly, that people are mistreating you or that you are not getting what you deserve, perhaps look at your life and see where you could be improving your input to maximise your output. Maybe you have been unknowingly mistreating others, or denying others recognition they deserve for their efforts. Perhaps you can be the cause of your own success.
And to all those who are the victim of some terrible incident, never fear. Remember that whoever caused it has justice cumming back to them in some way or another. The balance of life. No it might not help you in your recovery, and it may not directly compensate you for troubles, but it does give you that sense of balance in a different form. Hopefully you have a lifetime of good doing behind you to help you get back on your way.
I don't really know why I wrote this today. I just felt it happening. It's been a slow start to a miserable day. Perhaps things will look up now this is done? Who knows.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Perspective
So. it's been a while. and a whole lot of nothing has happened. And I've been feeling a bit off about everything for weeks, but then i thought about perspective. So I'm trying to change it.
The bad things.
But regardless I'm still hopeful (I think :p) after looking at it like this.
I now have direction. I finally decided what I'm doing when i leave uni (with my super duper first please if you're listening degree fairy!!). I'd been tearing my hair out over it for ages, but know I know. I'm probably gunna have to take a year out now, cause I've decided too late. But that's not the worst thing I suppose. I could do with a break from all the assignments and stuff anyway!! I'm gunna get a general job and do loads of experience in schools around it for a year or so, then I'm going to do a PGCE or SCITT (think I'd prefer a scitt since I can do that from home). Then I'm gunna teach for a while. Get married and settled a bit. Then I'm doing a doctorate in educational psychology, and then I'm gunna try and change the world a little bit at a time :) (really REALLY little bits at a time)
I start experience in a school tomorrow, my first day! and i just know I'm gunna love it! excited is an understatement!
I am also starting my first paying job in January. It's a research project assistant job, and I'm basically going into schools and helping to test the best way to motivate kids. If the results are good, it could potentially change everything about how teachers teach and are taught to teach in the future, and I find it exciting! (plus it's 8.08 an hour, which is real snazzy for my first job i think!) The extra plus is that because it's through the uni, they have no problem fitting around my timetable, which has been the major hurdle till now.
My diet IS going to take off again. I keep creeping down a bit every now and then, but now it's gunna go a bit steadier if you please! I just want a bit more off and a bit more toning. A size 8 bum to match the rest of me would be nice ;) thankfully, I've got the girls backing me up on this one, we're going for our first run tonight.... wish us luck!! :s
I have bought all but 5 prezzies for Christmas, and I've already decided what two of those are, i just can't order them till I go home for Christmas. The other 3 are going to be really easy to pick up between now and then. So that's all done, and my bank account isn't so sore for doing it :) yaay!! (in fact I might wrap them now cause I'm so excited!!)
I have ethical approval a whole month before we need to have it done by, and I'm starting my first recordings to build my study this week (hopefully). No matter how behind I feel like I am, I'm actually ahead. I need to remember that without getting lazy and stop giving myself the permission to worry over it day and night.
Only 4 weeks of uni left before the holidays. As terrifying as this is in some ways, (like work or how quickly my last year is disappearing) I am also really looking forward to some time at home.
So yeah. I'm hoping to get myself to be looking up instead of down over the next few days. Here's hoping!
The bad things.
- I haven't kept up with my creature making (boo)
- the diet went out the window for a few weeks, and now i have to start again (boo)
- there's been losses and illness a lot in the family of late
- General stresses, like dissertation pressure and deciding what to do with my life and such like
- Lack of sleep for quite a long while due to the above... haven't slept well in about 2 weeks now, what is that about?
- And an awful lot of procrastination, mostly cause I'm always exhausted!!
- Plus a general load of winter dread. Dark and cold is misery.
But regardless I'm still hopeful (I think :p) after looking at it like this.
I now have direction. I finally decided what I'm doing when i leave uni (with my super duper first please if you're listening degree fairy!!). I'd been tearing my hair out over it for ages, but know I know. I'm probably gunna have to take a year out now, cause I've decided too late. But that's not the worst thing I suppose. I could do with a break from all the assignments and stuff anyway!! I'm gunna get a general job and do loads of experience in schools around it for a year or so, then I'm going to do a PGCE or SCITT (think I'd prefer a scitt since I can do that from home). Then I'm gunna teach for a while. Get married and settled a bit. Then I'm doing a doctorate in educational psychology, and then I'm gunna try and change the world a little bit at a time :) (really REALLY little bits at a time)
I start experience in a school tomorrow, my first day! and i just know I'm gunna love it! excited is an understatement!
I am also starting my first paying job in January. It's a research project assistant job, and I'm basically going into schools and helping to test the best way to motivate kids. If the results are good, it could potentially change everything about how teachers teach and are taught to teach in the future, and I find it exciting! (plus it's 8.08 an hour, which is real snazzy for my first job i think!) The extra plus is that because it's through the uni, they have no problem fitting around my timetable, which has been the major hurdle till now.
My diet IS going to take off again. I keep creeping down a bit every now and then, but now it's gunna go a bit steadier if you please! I just want a bit more off and a bit more toning. A size 8 bum to match the rest of me would be nice ;) thankfully, I've got the girls backing me up on this one, we're going for our first run tonight.... wish us luck!! :s
I have bought all but 5 prezzies for Christmas, and I've already decided what two of those are, i just can't order them till I go home for Christmas. The other 3 are going to be really easy to pick up between now and then. So that's all done, and my bank account isn't so sore for doing it :) yaay!! (in fact I might wrap them now cause I'm so excited!!)
I have ethical approval a whole month before we need to have it done by, and I'm starting my first recordings to build my study this week (hopefully). No matter how behind I feel like I am, I'm actually ahead. I need to remember that without getting lazy and stop giving myself the permission to worry over it day and night.
Only 4 weeks of uni left before the holidays. As terrifying as this is in some ways, (like work or how quickly my last year is disappearing) I am also really looking forward to some time at home.
So yeah. I'm hoping to get myself to be looking up instead of down over the next few days. Here's hoping!
Monday, 10 September 2012
Best plan ever!!
Ok, so i just thought of an excellent money making scheme!!
I'm going to join multiple TV and film extra agencies on line, and sit back and see what happens. I could get nothing. Or I could get some job invites, but at £70-£100 a day and no joining fees, it seems like an excellent thing to do! I could make my a mini fortune for a student, or nothing may come of it, but with nothing to lose, it seems legit!
The independent featured a site especially for students called Uni-versalExtras, who i am going to join, and I've also come across one called StarNow that seems good, think I'll join that too. Dunno if I'll do any more straight away, but I might if not much comes of these two. I want to do it today, but my hair is all pre-hippie right now, so I can't take the shots I need today, but as soon as I can, I'm doing it!!
On another note, I'm sure some of you (I hope) are wondering why you haven't come across any weekly creatures on my blog yet? Well, I though it would be ridiculous to do a weekly blog about one little creature, so at the end of every month, I'm gunna do a blog about everyone I've created in that month. Kinda seems a bit more sensible.
7 days till loan!!!!! I'm so excited I may do a little cry!! :p although I'm more excited about the other two thirds, as circumstances mean I have a lot less to play with this third, a month extra rent than the rest, a month extra phone bill, an accidental overdraft etc etc. But hey, at least I'll be back in the black... for a bit :p No really, I'm gunna try so hard not to overdraft anymore. especially at the end.
Something I'm really scared about atm? Dissertation. Bumfluff!! Even typing it gets me sweaty :/
Something I'm really excited about atm? Moving back in with my girlys!! I need to introduce them to strawberry wine!!
Something I'm Proud of atm? My diet is going really well (except yesterday, but even that wasn't too bad tbh)
Something I'm not proud of? well yesterday's diet i suppose :p Also my lack if dissertation prep. But hopefully i have time to fix that!!
Peace out brah!!
I'm going to join multiple TV and film extra agencies on line, and sit back and see what happens. I could get nothing. Or I could get some job invites, but at £70-£100 a day and no joining fees, it seems like an excellent thing to do! I could make my a mini fortune for a student, or nothing may come of it, but with nothing to lose, it seems legit!
The independent featured a site especially for students called Uni-versalExtras, who i am going to join, and I've also come across one called StarNow that seems good, think I'll join that too. Dunno if I'll do any more straight away, but I might if not much comes of these two. I want to do it today, but my hair is all pre-hippie right now, so I can't take the shots I need today, but as soon as I can, I'm doing it!!
On another note, I'm sure some of you (I hope) are wondering why you haven't come across any weekly creatures on my blog yet? Well, I though it would be ridiculous to do a weekly blog about one little creature, so at the end of every month, I'm gunna do a blog about everyone I've created in that month. Kinda seems a bit more sensible.
7 days till loan!!!!! I'm so excited I may do a little cry!! :p although I'm more excited about the other two thirds, as circumstances mean I have a lot less to play with this third, a month extra rent than the rest, a month extra phone bill, an accidental overdraft etc etc. But hey, at least I'll be back in the black... for a bit :p No really, I'm gunna try so hard not to overdraft anymore. especially at the end.
Something I'm really scared about atm? Dissertation. Bumfluff!! Even typing it gets me sweaty :/
Something I'm really excited about atm? Moving back in with my girlys!! I need to introduce them to strawberry wine!!
Something I'm Proud of atm? My diet is going really well (except yesterday, but even that wasn't too bad tbh)
Something I'm not proud of? well yesterday's diet i suppose :p Also my lack if dissertation prep. But hopefully i have time to fix that!!
Peace out brah!!
Friday, 31 August 2012
ahh, what a beautiful package!!
Ok, so hi again guys... it's been a while!
No creature as of yet this week, but I've still got a few days to knock one together... for those of you who don't know, I have vowed to make a creature a week for around a year... think it's gunna have to be longer actually cause i need more than 52, but hey. There is a purpose, but if I told you, that would spoil the surprise, wouldn't it!! *ominous arm waves*
Right, ok, so onto the matter at hand. I decided the thing that i love to death is independent shops/boutiques/on line businesses etc. Especially when you can really see the time and effort the people have put in. I just love personal stuff, and these little places are often more honest in pricing and also really take to time to make it personal.
So my most recent find is to do with jewellery. It's a site called Charming Grace, which you can find here :)
It's some really nice stuff, all handmade so you know it's unique etc. Moreover, i loved the personal touches in the packaging, so lovely... look!!
I LOVE the old matchbox idea, and they even lined the bottom with pretty paper, such attention to detail!!
It's also always nice to get a hand written note, truly lovely!! plus the stuff is really good, even better than i expected :)
Other things i have come across recently is Jimmy and his Girl, another jewellery site, which is not as good a quality but is still good and also cheaper, definitely worth the look. I ordered from them back in June, and the royal mail royally messed up, and didn't deliver it and lost it etc, and as soon as i got in touch with JAHG, they dispatched another recorded delivery straight away no problem, so lovely!!
Also, here is the site of a craft shop called Make do and Mend that i originally got to charming grace from. It is a little craft store, with a heavy influence on knitting as i understand it. I admit i haven't been yet, because it's in Chelmsford, and i don't often go there, but it sounds really nice, and i would love to have a look next time I'm in the area. It's run by a young girl who loves the whole make do and mend type thing, which i have to admit i also have a soft spot for, and could definitely be a good about. She also runs workshops of how to make things etc which could be fun!
Anyway, that's enough of me for now... I'll cya soon for a creature update!!
Peace (Y)
No creature as of yet this week, but I've still got a few days to knock one together... for those of you who don't know, I have vowed to make a creature a week for around a year... think it's gunna have to be longer actually cause i need more than 52, but hey. There is a purpose, but if I told you, that would spoil the surprise, wouldn't it!! *ominous arm waves*
Right, ok, so onto the matter at hand. I decided the thing that i love to death is independent shops/boutiques/on line businesses etc. Especially when you can really see the time and effort the people have put in. I just love personal stuff, and these little places are often more honest in pricing and also really take to time to make it personal.
So my most recent find is to do with jewellery. It's a site called Charming Grace, which you can find here :)
It's some really nice stuff, all handmade so you know it's unique etc. Moreover, i loved the personal touches in the packaging, so lovely... look!!
I LOVE the old matchbox idea, and they even lined the bottom with pretty paper, such attention to detail!!
It's also always nice to get a hand written note, truly lovely!! plus the stuff is really good, even better than i expected :)
Other things i have come across recently is Jimmy and his Girl, another jewellery site, which is not as good a quality but is still good and also cheaper, definitely worth the look. I ordered from them back in June, and the royal mail royally messed up, and didn't deliver it and lost it etc, and as soon as i got in touch with JAHG, they dispatched another recorded delivery straight away no problem, so lovely!!
Also, here is the site of a craft shop called Make do and Mend that i originally got to charming grace from. It is a little craft store, with a heavy influence on knitting as i understand it. I admit i haven't been yet, because it's in Chelmsford, and i don't often go there, but it sounds really nice, and i would love to have a look next time I'm in the area. It's run by a young girl who loves the whole make do and mend type thing, which i have to admit i also have a soft spot for, and could definitely be a good about. She also runs workshops of how to make things etc which could be fun!
Anyway, that's enough of me for now... I'll cya soon for a creature update!!
Peace (Y)
Friday, 15 June 2012
trials and tribulations
So i'm home for summer, been here for two weeks now. I know i've passed first year with a 2:1 average (I somehow managed to pull 3 firsts in some units this year!!! huzzah!!!) and Have nothing really to think about exams or any deadlines etc. But yet I am somewhat more tested than usual.
It's an awkward time living one half of my life in one place with one set of people, and the other half in another. I love both places entirely, but they are such different lives that they result in two different versions of myself. This would be fine, as there are as many versions of ourselves as there are contexts according to various scholars, but my problem is i like my home self significantly less than my other one.
There's nothing awful about her. She's not some kind of psycho murderer or anything like that. It's just that home me is lazy, and mopey, and doesn't get stuff done. Home me stagnates day in and day out. Aspires but never acts on it, and yet gets annoyed when people try and make her do something about it.
I'm hoping when i get my summer gym membership going here it'll restore some of my uni self, as this is a big part of my motivation in portsmouth. I go there and get stuff done and it gets me in the mood to get more stuff done. so yeah, i'm hoping that will change things. if i ever get a move on arranging it. I'm in romford tomorrow, so hopefully i'll go in and talk to them. hopefully.
Also, all the work i did on myself has gone back again. that's the thing about going home, it kinda pushes a reset button without you realising. My teacher described moving as 'unplugging yourself from one bubble and back into another' and i spose that's true. But I really became someone i was a little proud to be before i left uni, and now i'm just back to square one, except now i'm even more self aware when i do somehting i don't lke. I recently did something i haven't done in ages, and i've been feeling terrible about it all day. and it's all cool, i've made it better again, but i feel terrible because i didn't so much let it happen as it just happening, naturally, because it is my nature. Something i hate is part of my nature. kinda a bummer.
What else is going on in my life? Well, an awful lot. But i don't think i really want to mention them in great detail. some old demons and some family members health deterioration etc. The less said of them the better in front of people that don't understand I find. Even if they ask.
It's an awkward time living one half of my life in one place with one set of people, and the other half in another. I love both places entirely, but they are such different lives that they result in two different versions of myself. This would be fine, as there are as many versions of ourselves as there are contexts according to various scholars, but my problem is i like my home self significantly less than my other one.
There's nothing awful about her. She's not some kind of psycho murderer or anything like that. It's just that home me is lazy, and mopey, and doesn't get stuff done. Home me stagnates day in and day out. Aspires but never acts on it, and yet gets annoyed when people try and make her do something about it.
I'm hoping when i get my summer gym membership going here it'll restore some of my uni self, as this is a big part of my motivation in portsmouth. I go there and get stuff done and it gets me in the mood to get more stuff done. so yeah, i'm hoping that will change things. if i ever get a move on arranging it. I'm in romford tomorrow, so hopefully i'll go in and talk to them. hopefully.
Also, all the work i did on myself has gone back again. that's the thing about going home, it kinda pushes a reset button without you realising. My teacher described moving as 'unplugging yourself from one bubble and back into another' and i spose that's true. But I really became someone i was a little proud to be before i left uni, and now i'm just back to square one, except now i'm even more self aware when i do somehting i don't lke. I recently did something i haven't done in ages, and i've been feeling terrible about it all day. and it's all cool, i've made it better again, but i feel terrible because i didn't so much let it happen as it just happening, naturally, because it is my nature. Something i hate is part of my nature. kinda a bummer.
What else is going on in my life? Well, an awful lot. But i don't think i really want to mention them in great detail. some old demons and some family members health deterioration etc. The less said of them the better in front of people that don't understand I find. Even if they ask.
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